Friend(s)hips
No one would argue that things like water, food, and shelter are requirements for humans to thrive, but could the same argument be made about friendship? Community, sisters, friends, and genuine people is so important.
I know this subject is sticky and challenging for many females, but today, I will talk about my experience, mishaps, and now what I would like to call a “mature understanding” of genuine friendships.
At Mount Tabor High School (Spartan Pride) I felt a strong desire to build good friendships, and rightfully so, I did. Those relationships are ones that I hold dear to my heart, with the understanding that life happens, we grow, and sometimes we even grow a part or make a conscious decision that the friendship no longer serves what is needed.
As a 32-year-old woman, I look back at all of my friendships individually and collectively and examine myself to gauge who I was and who I am to them, past and present. My friendship/”my girls” and my FAMily (you know who you are) are by far one of my most precious things to me.
Those friends/ bonds–is what I had when I had NOTHING. It was there through all things without hesitation, even when isolation set in. Unfortunately, my saying, “ friendship is one of the most precious things to me,” didn't always match my actions. I became so consumed with my hurt, my life, my conditions, and my disappointments that it created a friend who no longer knew how to show up and be present for others.
I am unsure if you have ever experienced life in the way I have, but there have been moments when I felt like a Job Jr., stripped of everything, and due to life experiences I had significant trust issues and feelings of rejection that I struggled to connect with others for fear that I would experience that magnitude of hurt again. See, when I finally got to the point where I knew what I wanted out of a friend and even began to experience genuine love from my friends–LIFE HIT & it was brutal. Let’s not talk about all the adjustments and transitions that took place. I just struggled to manage it all and manage it well. I went into hiding and did not handle my people and friends adequately. Not because I didn't have the desire to do it but because I was stuck–—for me my share of long suffering causes me to hide to the point where I'm now socially awkward cause yeah… lol
When you are stuck and can’t move, you can begin to hide and isolate yourself, and after a long duration, you become someone you don't know yourself, and it is even more challenging for your friends to now figure you out. Listen, I have learned
It is so essential for you to evaluate yourself as a friend.
God’s intention of friendship is love.
Friendship should be less about what we get out of it and more about how we can serve God through it. 1 Corinthians 13:13 reminds us that out of “faith, hope, and love... the greatest of these is love.”
If you do not love yourself, it gets tricky to love and cherish someone else in the way God calls us to love others.
When you are consumed with life, you miss opportunities to do life with those you love.
It is not all about YOU; get out of yourself.
Speak up and communicate
Lack of communication is a downward hill for significant disconnection.
Your shame and guilt does not hold any weight whatsoever. Get out yourself. It is probably not that deep–but you’re just in your head.
After family is FRIENDS if your friends are not considered family.
In friendships we often fail to make the unspoken, spoken. So speak.
In the beginning, Adam and Eve enjoyed the fullness of friendship. But their sin led them into hiding…
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the garden's trees.” Genesis 3:8
and we’ve been hiding behind our fig-leaf masks ever since. I know it’s hard to admit, but I’ve been hiding, which has not served my friendships. What about you? Why are you hiding, and how is it impacting your friendships? What I love about this is God is restoring true friendship. He restores friendship with himself, as he did with Enoch and Noah. (Read if for yourself it will bless your life).
Today, I challenge you to reflect on these things, not only build but also evaluate. Once we evaluate, we will go deeper into part 2 of Friendships–next week on my birthday, February 21, cause this topic is HOT and HEAVY.
Hey to my friends, sisters, and FAMily. :)